Advice for Managing Energetic Farts

The conversation ends. But something still stinks.

We know it well.

Politely, we smile and nod, but our inner voice grimaces – what smells?

I am talking about energetic farts. Ethereal stinkers. I mean the invisible yet uncontrollable toxic wind of chronically negative people.

In most circles, at least where I am from, public flatulence is not really welcome.

What_smellsSure, we all have an embarrassing slip now and again. There are moments when that take-out had too much MSG or some school-aged child infects us with the stomach flu.

But generally, we make an effort to avoid sharing the backlash of poorly digested food with others.

The chronic sharing of poorly digested daily life experiences however does not seem to share the same taboo status.

My advice for managing energetics farts.

1. Check with a friend.

First ascertain your own guilt. When we chronically stink, we don’t smell it anymore. We may be stuck in a lethal cloud of gas and not know it. Stuck in the stench, we do not attract people and circumstances that are rosy.

We all have a few true friends, the ones who have stuck with us since high school and are not in the quagmire of our day-to-day life.

From a place of sincerity, ask for the truth and nothing but the truth.

2. Improve your digestion.

  • Why do I have the need to share my inability to digest my experiences with everyone and their brother?
  • What choices can I make to stop the bitching, the complaining, the snide remarks?
  • Can my silence smell of lilacs as opposed eau de garbage truck?
  • Can I recognize that my partner, my friends, family and co-workers are not the rest room?

These are the tough questions we must ask ourselves if we seek sustainable, personal growth. When I jumped on the yoga bandwagon, I began to read self-reflective books that prompted me to ask myself these questions.

Like any chronic condition, my emotional digestion did not improve overnight. I first needed to recognize what was causing the toxic clouds of negative emotions I emitted and change my behavior. When I survey my closest old friends, they confirm that self-help books are working. I am out of the sulfur pit.

3. Practice vigilance.

Even after digestion improves, we still have those moments where we lose control. Recently at the office, I felt insulted by one of the managers. I spoke to his team assistant Maria and told her the whole story. I heard her smile through the phone, even nod. I think I also heard the rattle of the perfumed aerosol can.

I don’t believe we can save the whole world, but at least on that day I could have made Maria’s world a bit less stinky. Life always offers us choices. I could have kept my comments to myself, wrote them in my journal, or even called the manager and politely discussed the situation.

4. In the event of a bad meal, stay home!

Just like that bad meal at the family diner, some days go wrong, completely wrong. In such times maybe it best to process very indigestible moments in privacy. Go home. Close the door and don’t talk to anyone until the cloud passes.

5. Stay clear of global gunk.

As we clean up our own cloud, we start to notice all kinds of stenches that we never noticed before. We realize that the world can sometimes be one big fart!

I can no longer inhale the poisonous narrative of mass media, the news and programs showing unnecessary violence, drama and sadness. I cannot talk about Homeland, the latest military conflict or even the “Top Model” shows. But luckily my friends cannot either.

6. What to do if trapped.

I have been thinking a lot about whether I am a spiritual wimp or a spiritual warrior. When I smile and nod at the energetic farters, I affirm that I am the rest room they run to when the gas is ready to blow.

While my inner warrior loaded with perfume guns is still in boot camp, my spiritual wimp employs the following strategies:

  • Divert – I act like I am getting a call or have to go to a meeting
  • Revert – if diverting fails, I recite in my mind: I am rubber and you are glue, what you say bounces off me and sticks to you.

I swear. I double dare you to try. It works just as much as it did when we were eight. When we thought farting was funny.


5 thoughts on “Advice for Managing Energetic Farts

    1. Good god this is the best analogy I have seen in years if not my life.
      I am inspired so much I started my own blog!! And, keep it coming, you have a gift, a rare gift of writing, humor, intelligence and HEART.
      I hope many read this and enjoy your inspiration. Thank you.

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